With all the rain we’ve been getting lately, there’s mud everywhere, and Saturday afternoon at work, one of our trucks got stuck. As I stood there watching the mud splatter everywhere and the tires spin, I couldn’t help but think that is exactly what I’ve been feeling like lately- desperately trying to go somewhere, and getting nowhere.
I’ve been thinking a lot about spiritual happiness lately. When we’re young, other people help to control our walk with Christ- parents that take you to church every Sunday, Sunday School teachers who teach you, etc. But as we get older, the responsibility to maintain a relationship with Christ lays more and more on us. I’ll be honest: I’ve been avoiding that responsibility for a while now. After exams were done and I’d moved back home, I was hoping that the stress of school would finally wear off, and instead it’s just been transferred to stress about finding a permanent job, deciding what to do in September….and the list continues. Somewhere along the way, I started to let my devotions, readings and fellowship and time with other Christians slide. Making matters worse is the fact that my Bible group fell apart this summer because all the other members moved away. I try not to take it personally-haha. For those of you who don’t know, I attend a small assembly, and with hardly anyone else my age that attends, my Bible study group of fellow women in our twenties came to mean a lot to me.
After my uncharacteristic period of moping around wore off, I decided to make some changes, starting first with were I attend. Sitting on my desk beside me is a list of local churches, so I think I might spend the next few Sundays church hopping. This decision led to a whole new set of problems: my parents and grandparents attend my current assembly. In fact, we started going there because that’s where my parents took my sister and me when our former church fell apart. Apparently my decision to possibly change churches has upset my parents, who feel as though there will be hurt feelings all around if I leave.
This led me to two thoughts I’ve been pondering over: am I being selfish? And…. is it ok to be selfish when seeking fulfillment in Christ? I’m feeling a little stale, I miss the company of people my own age, and I think I’m ready for a change, even if it’s just for a little while. Seems simple enough, but I’ve been changing my mind every two seconds over what to do!
Now that I’ve finished rambling and complaining (nobody’s perfect right?!), I’ll close with sharing the chorus from one of my favourite hymns, “At Calvary”. We sang it at church on Sunday, and I was playing it on the piano this afternoon too: “Mercy there was great, and grace was free; Pardon there was multiplied to me; There my burdened soul found liberty, at Calvary”. The last part about the burdened soul really hit home for me, because lately my soul has definitely been burdened!
Love In Christ-
*L
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3 comments:
Lauren-Mary:
Thanks for being so transparent. I understand your situation. I've been there. I'm glad that old song meant so much to you. It always helps when I can sit down at a piano and play something. Be encouraged today. Allow me and others to shoulder the burdens so you can find liberty...at Calvary.
Standing with you,
David
GO SENS GO!
Dear Lauren-mary,
I have been there too.
When we left Trenton and moved to Manitoba, the assembly was 30 miles from where we lived and we felt the loneliness of the lack of young Christian friends.
Of course in those days, I wasn't even saved, myself.
When we moved to Ottawa, where there was a small assembly, it was the same thing; very few young people, but when I was saved in 1967, my heart was so on fire that I didn't much think of it.
I was saved, baptised, in fellowship and going to the place where Mom had always brought us and I was satisfed with that.
However as life began to settle down, I did miss the fact that I had no young Christian friends.
Ottawa was always a "transfer in"..."transfer out" city!
We would have Christian friends for a while and then they would be gone.
My family had been transferred out, leaving three of their "children" who were now out on their own, behind.
If it hadn't of been for Betty and my brother,Gary and one special Christian couple from the assembly, life would have surely been lonely!
We used to go sometimes to Maberly where there were two large Christian families of children that we could chum around with for few days but Maberly was about 74 miles away!
There is a small assembly there.
Well one day the time came when I started to wonder WHY I was part of the assembly anyway and I looked into it, and that is when I came to realize that it was not for the Christians, be they young or old,that I was part of God's assembly but that it was because the Lord, Himself is in the midst and He was the reason!
It is not a decision that can be made FOR you Lauren-mary.
I has to be made BY you!
You are a precious young Christian sister and David is right...You are transparent and also honest.
The Lord will be you guide in this and He is the only guide you need at this cross roads Lauren-mary.
"Now I'd give to Jesus everything.
Now I gladly own Him as my King.
Now my raptured sing can only sing of Calvary!"
We will be praying for you Lauren-mary...Love from Pilgrim pal, Terry
PS Really did miss you the last while Pilgrim pal, Lauren-mary!!!
All of your pals did!
Hi Lauren-Mary!
I have been through some church related changes in the past two years and I can empathize with you in how hard it is to make a decision over personal convictions etc, while keeping mommy and daddy happy! I'll pray for you!
Laura
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