Sick of waiting

This week-end has been rough, and it’s only half over. I haven’t wanted to say anything because I hate complaining and sounding like a whiner, but for the past year I haven’t been feeling well, and these past six months have been the worst. I’m exhausted all the time, and I just don’t feel like myself. On Wednesday I went in to see my doctor again, and I got to endure the silence as she once again studied my chart. (By the way, “I don’t know what to tell you” is NOT the most reassuring thing to hear from a doctor!). So, I spent Wednesday afternoon having more blood samples taken.
My doctor’s office has a policy where they only call you if your test results are positive. On Friday I got home from work and there was a message for me from the doctor’s office asking me to call, but they had already closed up for the week-end when I called back. So, now I get to wait until Monday morning. I can’t wait that long! I JUST WANT TO KNOW!!! They tested for so many different things that I just want to know what they found- or if they found anything, or if they’re just calling to say “someone lost a glove-was it you?” or something equally trivial.
This has been stressing me out since I got the message- it’s all I can think about. The entire time the phone was ringing I found myself praying, and just asking God that it not be something serious. So, please pray that I can relax and actually get some sleep and be patient while I wait for Monday to come. I’m already exhausted- I don’t want to miss even more sleep, plus this is a big week-end for my swimmers as they’re at another meet and I need to keep my focus on them. (This is probably the first time in my life I’ve ever looked forward to the week-end being over!).

Staying Mum

Lately I’ve been very discouraged about my blogging (as evidenced by my lack of posting anything!). There are countless times when I’ve sat down to try and write something and can’t find the words. Anyone who takes a look at my laptop contents will see easily thirty half-written attempts at posting something.
As I spoke about in my last post, my relationship with Christ has been going well- I’m lacking in zeal no more! My devotions have been great and I really feel like I’m creating a deeper relationship with God. (I still haven’t found a new church yet, but I’ve been praying and I’m optimistic that God will lead me to the right one). So what have I found so discouraging? I feel like I have nothing of value to share. I’ll read all my regular blogs and get so much out of them. Verses or sentiments that people write about really touch me, and there are so many times when something I read will prompt me to study my Bible even more. I’ll sit down to write something and feel like I have absolutely nothing to say back. Somehow it just grew easier to say nothing at all then something boring and irrelevant.
Last week-end I had brunch with a friend who is also a recent university grad. Our topic of conversation was how this is a very uncertain time in our lives, with so many decisions to make and no idea what path our decisions would lead us down. My friend made the comment “I wish you could predict life”. I couldn’t help but think of my favourite verse. Even though we can’t predict life, as Christians we DO know that God has a plan for our lives- a plan to prosper us and not harm us, a plan to give us hope and a future. That’s something to be thankful for and carry in our hearts, especially with so many of us facing uncertainties.

In His Love-

*L

Lacking in zeal no more!

A few weeks ago, I was invited to spend some time at a friend's house in the Muskokas. I declined because I was so busy, and I felt guilty taking off on a vacation when I hadn't made any plans for the fall yet. With two jobs (part-time, but better than nothing!) lined up, and the dark circles under my eyes growing by the day, I decided that maybe a vacation was in order. My birthday is tomorrow (Sunday), so I decided that this would be my treat to myself for my birthday!
And the outcome? It was the best birthday present EVER!! I spent all week boating, relaxing and eating homemade lasagna and chocolate cookies! There was even a Dairy Queen ice cream birthday cake! I took a lot of pictures but right now they're not loading, so hopefully I can figure out the problem and have them up in a day or two.
I brought my Bible and some devotional readings along with me, and I spent a lot of afternoons relaxing in the back of the boat reading. I honestly feel like my relationship with God is back on track, if not stronger than ever. While my Muskoka vacation was a good thing, my vacation from a relationship with God this past month has been a BAD thing. It feels so great to be back on track and refreshed.
I wish I could write more but my bags still need to be unpacked. I'll end with a verse that I read earlier on in the week and just really stuck with me all week:

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fevor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
- Romans 12:11-12

In His Love-

*L

Quick Update

This past week has been a nightmare for me! I woke up Wednesday feeling absolutely awful. Any one else ever had a fever in the middle of a roasting hot summer? Not fun. After taking WAY too much time off of work to try and get better (and still really feeling not so good right now), I'm heading back to work tomorrow. I've been praying like crazy that I'll start to feel better, because I've got a lot of work coming up in both my jobs, and I've already lost almost a week's pay at each job as well.
So, that's why I haven't been posting again. THANK YOU for the prayers sent my way as I continue to struggle with forgiveness.

In His Healing Love-

*L

Forgiveness and Stuff

To err is human, to forgive divine- how very, very true! Forgiveness has certainly proved to be very hard for me lately.
I’ve been struggling for a while with trying to forgive someone for something that they did to me. In my life, many people have hurt me or done something bad to me. Some have asked for forgiveness and/or apologized, and others haven’t bothered to do either, but I’ve always managed to forgive them. Conversely, I’ve also been the one to mess up, and I’ve been lucky enough to receive forgiveness.
To make a very long story short, years ago a member of a church I used to attend was caught talking about me in a not-so-positive way. This person wasn’t just a church member, but an elder, and a well-respected one. I swam for my university swim team for two seasons, until an injury forced me to retire. During my first year away at school, I joined this church, but with a heavy competition schedule, I was away competing an average of three week-ends a month. Whenever I was able to, I attended the Sunday meeting. I couldn’t go to the “College and Careers” group because they met on a Friday night, and I had practice Friday night and then again at 5:30 am on Saturday mornings.
A group of people who know me (including some family members) met this particular elder at a conference, and when they heard which church he was from, they asked him if he knew me. This is when the man started on a long and rambling speech about how I was a lackluster Christian, that my attendance was shabby at best, that I hadn’t shown any willingness to socialize with the other people my age and that he really didn’t want to be bothered with someone like me, who would only semi-commit themselves to attending church. Apparently, he also made a face like he was sucking on lemon when my name was first mentioned. Keep in mind, this was coming from my grandmother, so I’m sure she was softening the blow.
I never went back to that church (those who read my testimony last summer will remember that I didn’t go ANYWHERE for a while afterwards). About a year later, I saw this man in the grocery store, and I hid in the next aisle over until he left. To this day I’m so humiliated by what he said. It may sound immature to say that he hurt my feelings, but he did. I still feel tears welling up when I think about it. It frustrates me that he thought that about me, but what frustrates me the most is that he (or anyone else) never asked why I was hardly around. Now that I’m older, I can look back on the situation with better perspective than I could when I was eighteen and I realize now that I should have spoken to someone and explained my absence, and that I truly was doing the best I could. I guess hindsight really is 20/20.
The entire situation shook my faith. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but it really did shake me. I think I’ve done a good job so far of recovering, but for the past month it’s really been weighing on me. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forgive this person. It’s been YEARS, and I still feel so much anger when I think about it. I have a strong feeling the Lord has been putting this desire in my heart to forgive, but I just CAN’T. I want to, but I can’t- it still stings.
So, that’s what’s been happening with me this past month.

I read Matthew 7:1-5 this week, and I think it serves as such a great reminder that we shouldn’t judge others.

Struggling with forgiveness….

Love In Christ-

*L

An Interview with God

I have a meeting with the director of my deparment next week to discuss if there any openings for me in the fall. To prepare for the meeting, I've been organizing my job portfolio. I found a copy of one of my old self-evaluations, outlining my strengths and weaknesses. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a job interview where I wasn’t asked this question. When I had my interview for my newspaper job, my editor even phrased the question as “and now the question we all knew what coming…what is your greatest weakness?”. I dread this question, because it’s such a weighted question- give the wrong answer and the job could go to someone else.
I couldn’t help but think about what would happen if we actually had to audition or interview to be Christians. What if we had to go one day to have a chat with God about why we should be saved? What are the strengths and weaknesses you would present to Him? I’ve picked two of each.

Strengths:
1) I’m very organized.
All my files are alphabetized, my closet is colour coordinated, when writing on my calendar or agenda I have a specific colour for each event (work, school stuff, fun stuff, reminders, etc), and everything has it’s spot. I’m not as rigid as I sound, and I won’t flip out if someone placed the “Bills” file between “school notes” and “taxes”, I just find that life flows so much better when everything is organized.
I like to organize my devotions. I keep a journal chronicling what I’ve read, any verses that really stuck out at me and any thoughts that I’ve been having. (Not only does this keep me on track with my devotions and readings, but it’s fun to flip through old journals from years ago!).
2) I’m very non-judgemental.
I hate it when people judge others, and I tend to very rarely judge people. As a result, I think that this makes me easy to talk to and confide in. Through working at the youth centre and coaching I’ve had a lot of great talks with kids who are going through problems, and even random classmates have confided to me in the past. I think as Christians it’s important for us to be accepting of others, and to not judge each other.

And now that I’ve made myself sound so wonderful (!!) ….

Weaknesses:
1) I always have a “full mouth”.
You know the expression “don’t bite off more than you can chew”? I usually don’t take on more than I can handle, but I am usually busy. At any given time I’ll be juggling participating in two different sports, hanging out with friends, a job (or two this summer!), classes and homework (not anymore!!), reading, writing, playing with my pets … finding the time to actually spend time with God, in prayer and in study, is often hard to do. (See, my organizational skills aren’t sounding quite so crazy anymore!).
2) I get tunnel-vision.
When I was still in school, most of my energy and focus went into class, my research and my job, and I didn’t work on anything else until these three were completely taken care of. Were those things important? Sure! But so are my friends, actually making a nutritious meal…and my relationship with Christ! Can I afford to take half an hour off each day to open my Bible? Yes, but sometimes it’s hard for me to do. I definitely need to work on not letting other important things slide.

While a relationship with Christ goes much deeper than organizing devotions, I still find it interesting how our individual differences can reflect where we fall short in our walk with God, and where we are strong. Luckily for us, God doesn’t care about our organizational skills or how busy we are, He loves us for who we are. He created us with our own individual strengths and weaknesses. That’s a bit of a re-assurance as I brace myself for that inevitable question next week.

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth".
- 2 Timothy 2:15

Love In Christ, from one very organized and very busy Christian-

*L

Vines and branches

Isn’t it great when a Sunday message really stays in your thoughts? In church the other day, we studied John 15. In John 15:4, we are told to remain with Christ. In my opinion at least, part of remaining in Christ is spending quality time studying and reading His word, and spending time in prayer. How to have, and maintain, a steadfast relationship with Christ was on my mind all day today.
I’m very lucky because at both my jobs, I enjoy the people I work with. Working at the barn, I work with a group of friends that I’ve known for fifteen years now. We knew each other when we were crazy kids tearing around on equally crazy ponies, and we’ve stayed friends because not only do we have a passion in common, but because after spending so much time together for so many years, we know each other incredibly well, and we all have an emotional attachment. How do we all maintain our friendship? Well, working together automatically ensures we spend a lot of time together, but our lunch hours are filled with constant laughing and conversation, we go out for dinners all the time, and our favourite time of year: the annual Christmas party. We MAKE time for each other, because we VALUE each other.
Sitting on my desk is a picture of me with two of my closest friends: two girls I swam with for many years. It was taken at our last swim meet before we went off to compete for separate universities. I love the picture because you can see that all 3 of us are just about to laugh, and I’ve had so many great times with those girls that every time I look at the picture, no matter how stressed, sad or angry I am, I always laugh. How did we become such close friends? Once again, it goes deeper than just a shared passion for a sport. We always roomed together when we travelled, and we you travel as much as we did, that adds up to a lot of nights in hotel rooms with nothing to do but hang out and talk. Our friendship grew, and I still talk to the two girls all the time.
My friendships are one of the most important things to me. When I got home from work tonight, I talked to my best friend tonight on the phone for almost an hour. She’s leaving tomorrow morning to work out in Alberta for the rest of the summer, and we’ve never spent a summer apart before. After I hung up, I thought about how much time people invest in relationships.
If a husband came home one day and told his wife that they should only spend time together for one hour on Sundays, most people would probably say that the marriage was doomed. Yet, that’s all the time that some people give to spending time with the Lord.
I’ve always known that I have a relationship with Christ, for I never really thought of it in terms of MAINTAINING a real relationship.
In John 15, we are referred to as the branches and Christ as the vine. I read my Bible today sitting on my parents’ deck, which is decorated with a couple of potted plants. If I had cut off one of the branches from one of the plants, I’m sure it would be dead, or well on its way by now, but the plant itself would still be alive and blossoming. The vine takes care of its branches, sustaining it with the proper food and nutrients it needs to survive, but the vine doesn’t NEED each individual branch in order to survive. Just like a branch, we need to constant contact with our vine, the Lord Jesus Christ.

I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
- John 15:5

**Note: while none of these girls are Christians (except for my best friend, who is an incredibly strong Christian), they are all incredibly supportive of my lifestyle and choices.

Hhhmm....I've been kind of long-winded tonight! I guess that's what happens after a week (eep!) of not posting!

In His Love-

*L

My burdened soul found liberty

With all the rain we’ve been getting lately, there’s mud everywhere, and Saturday afternoon at work, one of our trucks got stuck. As I stood there watching the mud splatter everywhere and the tires spin, I couldn’t help but think that is exactly what I’ve been feeling like lately- desperately trying to go somewhere, and getting nowhere.
I’ve been thinking a lot about spiritual happiness lately. When we’re young, other people help to control our walk with Christ- parents that take you to church every Sunday, Sunday School teachers who teach you, etc. But as we get older, the responsibility to maintain a relationship with Christ lays more and more on us. I’ll be honest: I’ve been avoiding that responsibility for a while now. After exams were done and I’d moved back home, I was hoping that the stress of school would finally wear off, and instead it’s just been transferred to stress about finding a permanent job, deciding what to do in September….and the list continues. Somewhere along the way, I started to let my devotions, readings and fellowship and time with other Christians slide. Making matters worse is the fact that my Bible group fell apart this summer because all the other members moved away. I try not to take it personally-haha. For those of you who don’t know, I attend a small assembly, and with hardly anyone else my age that attends, my Bible study group of fellow women in our twenties came to mean a lot to me.
After my uncharacteristic period of moping around wore off, I decided to make some changes, starting first with were I attend. Sitting on my desk beside me is a list of local churches, so I think I might spend the next few Sundays church hopping. This decision led to a whole new set of problems: my parents and grandparents attend my current assembly. In fact, we started going there because that’s where my parents took my sister and me when our former church fell apart. Apparently my decision to possibly change churches has upset my parents, who feel as though there will be hurt feelings all around if I leave.
This led me to two thoughts I’ve been pondering over: am I being selfish? And…. is it ok to be selfish when seeking fulfillment in Christ? I’m feeling a little stale, I miss the company of people my own age, and I think I’m ready for a change, even if it’s just for a little while. Seems simple enough, but I’ve been changing my mind every two seconds over what to do!
Now that I’ve finished rambling and complaining (nobody’s perfect right?!), I’ll close with sharing the chorus from one of my favourite hymns, “At Calvary”. We sang it at church on Sunday, and I was playing it on the piano this afternoon too: “Mercy there was great, and grace was free; Pardon there was multiplied to me; There my burdened soul found liberty, at Calvary”. The last part about the burdened soul really hit home for me, because lately my soul has definitely been burdened!

Love In Christ-

*L

Imagine

John Lennon once asked the world to imagine if there was no Heaven. While Lennon believes that this is easy to do, it’s an image I’d rather not think of. As Christians, we know that Heaven exists, and I believe that I am going to Heaven because of God’s grace.
Grace is defined in my Bible’s dictionary as “Unmerited favour, unearned benefit, undeserved kindness. God’s amazing gift of forgiveness of sin and power to live with dignity in the present and hope for the future”. The concept of grace shows up many times in the Bible. One of the first verses I had to memorize in Sunday School was Ephesians 2: 8-9: “For it is by grace you have been saved through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast”.
I’m thankful every day for God’s grace, but every once in a while I’ll really stop to think about it, and the idea of His forgiveness and grace is always overwhelms me. When I think of how many times I have sinned against Him, doubted Him, turned my back on Him …talk about an unmerited favour and an undeserved kindness!

And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.
- Romans 11:6

Later on in the song “Imagine”, John Lennon sings about all the people living for today. I’m all for seizing opportunities, taking chances and living each day as if it’s our last, but I much prefer to live life for my FOREVER with my Lord Jesus Christ, so that one day I can stand before Him and be proud of the life I’ve lived for Him.
We don’t need to imagine a world with a Heaven, because we already have one. I hope to see you all there!

The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
- Romans 5:20-21

Saved By His Grace-

*L

The Graduate!

Two exciting envelopes came in the mail today. My grad pictures were delivered, and along with it came my official notice that my application to graduate was allowed....with Honours!!
Thank you to everyone who sent their congratulations when I posted earlier in the month that I had graduated, and a BIG thank you as well for all the prayers that were sent my way!

So, what's next for me? I still don't know yet-aahh! I've been accepted into some programs, and I'm still waiting to hear back from other programs...and a few job advertisements have caught my eye, so I'm just crossing my fingers, praying hard and waiting for God to reveal His plan to prosper me and not harm me!

In a comment in an earlier post (see how far behind I've gotten!?), "Hebrews 11:1" asked me where I worked for the summer, and that reminded me that I never really said what I was doing this summer. I'm actually working two jobs this summer. I'm going to back to the youth centre in Bells Corners (between Kanata and Ottawa) that I worked at last summer and I'm also working at a barn. I've worked there for years, but when I left for university I had to limit my work to the summer, and then when I started working at the youth centre I only filled in the odd shift at the barn. But, I've missed my friends and I missed the horses, so when I couldn't decide what job to take, I took them both! So far, I'm loving having both jobs, but I'm definitely sleeping soundly every night!

In His Love-

*L

Just For You Terry!!

As requested by Terry, here are some of my Tulip Festival pictures! I went a few days before it officially opened, so some of the flowers were still blooming. I got a lot of great shots, but I only had room to upload a few, so I tried to pick out some highlight ones:






Isn't His creation beautiful!?!

Today was my first day back at work, so I can already feel my eyes wanting to close .... I took two weeks off before going back to work, and I think I got a little too used to sleeping in!
This past week actually hasn't been much of a vacation. I'm been frustrated about a lot of things, so thanks for all your words of encouragement! I've still got work to do tonight for my second job, but if I have time before bed, I'll post more, and if not, hopefully tomorrow!!

In His Love-

*L

Happy to be back!

A few days after my last posting, my Internet died, and with only two weeks left at school, I didn’t bother getting it fixed. I couldn’t believe how much I missed not only writing this blog, but reading everyone else’s!
So much has happened since the last time I wrote, but I’ll stick to the big news for now…I am now a university graduate!!! I wrote my last exam Thursday morning, and I practically skipped out of the room when I was done! I now have my Bachelor of Physical Education (BPHE), hopefully with honours (I find out once my final marks are in).
I just moved back home on Sunday, so half my stuff is still in boxes, so once I unpack my Bible, I'll have more to say!
Also, a great big THANK YOU to everyone who prayed for me this year. It was a very trying and stressful year (although very successful as well!), so all of your prayers are more appreciated than you know!

In His Love;

*L

Out enjoying God's creation!

I got some pictures back from the hike I wrote about the last time I posted. Some of them were too big to scan (I used the panoromic view on my camera, but my scanner isn't that long!!). These are some of the highlight pictures:


The geese behind me in this picture were fighting moments before this was taken:

To give you an idea of how big this rock really is, I'm 5-foot-8 AND standing on another rock, and it's still taller than me:


I can't wait until the "muddy phase" of spring wears off and everything turns green!!

Hope everyone had a great Easter!

Enjoying His beautiful creation-

*L

So strong and so mighty

I'm pleased to say that both my exam and my research presentation both went well! It's such a relief to have my research FINALLY done, and it frees up a ton of time for me.
With the rest of my exams looming ahead in a few short weeks, I should have spent the week-end working, but Saturday morning the sunny skies called me outside! It looks as though spring is here- all the snow is gone and the weather has been beautiful. A friend and I spent all Saturday afternoon hiking, it felt amazing to spend the day outside, soaking in the sun and enjoying God's beautiful creation! It reminded me of a song I used to sing all the time in Sunday School:
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty,
there's nothing my God cannot do.
The mountains are His, the valleys are His,
the stars are His handiwork too.
My God is so big, the so strong and so mighty,
there's nothing my God cannot do.

On the walk back home, I remarked to my friend about how much easier it is to study during the winter when it's cold and dark out, or on a rainy day when there isn't much to do outside. As guilty as I felt about taking the day off, I was having such a great time!
I was seriously considering going out for another hike when I woke up this morning, until I looked out the window and saw it was POURING rain out!! I had to laugh at the irony, seeing as I had just remarked yesterday about how it's easy to study when it's raining out. (And, I'm pleased to report, I got a lot done today!). I'd like to think of this week-end as a subtle reminder that while I need to relax, I also can't slack off too much!

"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress"
- Isaiah 33:2

In His Love-
*L

Wish me luck...it's that time of year again!

Tomorrow's a big day for me: I write my first exam (it's a lab exam, that's why it's a bit earlier than all my others) at 8:30 am, and then at 10:30 am I have my final research presentation. Needless to say, I'm a little stressed right now! I've been practicing my presentation so much I think poor little Jack has it memorized too!

"Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart".
- Psalm 119: 33-34

I'm heading back to work now, but PLEASE PRAY FOR ME FRIDAY MORNING!!!

Trusting In Him-

*L

Still Alive!!

Has it really been two and a half weeks since I've last posted?!
For the past two weeks I've been travelling a lot to interviews for some summer jobs and a few internships for next year. Remember all the applications I was stressing myself out over in the fall? The good news is that I got called in for some interviews (prayers answered!), but the bad news is that this is "crunch time" for my school work, so I really couldn't afford to take almost two weeks off (prayers needed!).
I was hoping to get some posting done, but the few days I did spend at my apartment were filled with work, and apart from the few days I spent at my parents' house in Ottawa, I didn't have Internet access. The realization that I had a deadline for the paper with no Internet was quite a shock, but all's well that ends well!
When I got back today, I flipped my verse-a-day calendar to the right date and this was the verse:

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken".
- Psalms 16:8

I just got back from my last interview, so I'm off to play with Jack and unpack, but I promise it won't take me another two and a half weeks to return!

In His Love-

*L

Blessed Assurance

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Saviour am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

- Franny J. Crosby

What A Week!

In general, going to university is a time that most people credit as the point in their life when they were really able to research, learn and expand their knowledge. High school is a time to learn and repeat facts; university is a time to question the facts, research your ideas and create your own concepts. I’d have to say that for me, this has been true. I’ve always considered myself lucky because up until last Monday, not once have I had to defend my Christian views in class, or been taught anything that conflicts with them. I was warned by someone before I started my first year that if I wasn’t careful, university would change all my morals and beliefs. I don’t know if they were grossly exaggerating, or if I just got really lucky, but it hasn’t. (If nothing else, university is when I “re-found” God). In fact, my second year physiology professor actually dedicated an entire lecture on how the perfection of the human body and of human movement aid in explaining that God does exist.
Last Monday was my first day back after a week off, so I really wasn’t too thrilled to be back in class (forget the seven year itch- after four years, I’m ready to graduate and move on!). I was trying to listen to the lecture as best I could though, when something really caught my attention. The professor was talking about the Christian Crusades, and all of a sudden started off on a tangent about how the Crusades prove that the root of Christianity is evil, and how she doesn’t trust anyone with strong religious beliefs, and so on. People who knew I was a Christian started glancing over to see what my reaction would be. I’ll admit- I was panicked. Part of me wanted to jump right in and defend Christianity, another part of me really didn’t feel like starting a massive argument, and the yet another part of me was just hoping the professor would quickly move on. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and tried to contradict her. I don’t remember actually what she said back to me, but it basically meant “I’m right, you’re wrong, now stop talking”. The rant continued, to her equating some radical Christians to ALL Christians, to which I stepped in again, only to be shot down. Then, I remembered a lecture last month in which the very same prof chastised another student in the class for making a generalization about another religious group, and how wrong it was to equate a few radicals with the entire religion. I made this point, to which she really had nothing to come back to, so I figured the discussion was over. Not so. The prof simply switched tactics, and started talking about how ridiculous the resurrection of Christ is, but her facts were flat-out wrong. I stepped in again, trying to correct her. I said I obviously disagree with her stand, but that if she’s going to rant, she should at least have her facts right. I think I’ve been marked as the rebel student! The worst part was that this particular prof and I disagree on a lot, and have debated in the past. Usually though half the class is with me; plus, I’m not one to start a hot debate, just join in. This time though, I was standing all alone.
For the next few days, I was plagued with guilt over how I didn’t step in right away and defend my faith with immediate confidence, and that part of me just felt like sinking down into my chair and becoming invisible. I’m completely comfortable sharing my faith with people who want to know, but I’m not one of those people who are upfront about it. “Hi, my name is Lauren and I’m a Christian” is not usually how I introduce myself! I’m more of an “actions speak louder than words” person. I really felt like I’d let God down, but He was a funny way of providing for us.
Remember my friend Jordan? I wrote about him about a month ago. He’s the one who’s found a list on the Internet of reasons that supposedly disprove Christianity. He asked me to explain some of the points to him, and every once in a while I’ll get a phone call or an e-mail with a quick question. Poor Jordan had the misfortune of bumping into me while I was still fuming over Monday morning’s class. We were talking over one point on the list, which was a Bible verse that had been clearly taken out of context. I issued Jordan a two-part challenge: 1) even if you don’t believe, open your mind to the possibility. Trying to learn with a closed mind is a waste of time and 2) Don’t form an opinion until you’ve heard both sides.
I got a call over the week-end from Jordan saying he’d gone out and bought a Bible! I was shocked! I asked him how come, and apparently my challenge made sense and he’s decided that if Christianity isn’t for him, at least it will be a decision made after he’s explored it. He asked if we could get together sometime and talk about what he’s been reading. I said sure, but I could call up someone else older and a bit more experienced if he wanted. He said no, because he’s already talked to some other Christians, but he likes that I don’t “Bible-thump” and I understand his doubts. What a confidence booster after a very long and trying week!!! I’d been praying all week about how upset I was over not being aggressive in my stand, and all along God had a plan to use my own witnessing style. Life really is so much easier when we place it in His hands isn’t it?! So, now I’ve been praying that God gives me the right words to use and opens Jordan’s heart.
Isn’t it funny how we all have different traits and personalities, and God uses them all? God is great!
So, apparently I’m very long-winded tonight! I’ll end here with a quick prayer request: please pray for me, and for Jordan!


In His Love-

*L

Heart, Soul and Mind

Finally, this week is over! And what a way for it to end- I woke up this morning, peered out the window and was greeted by the biggest snow storm this year. And, of course, I had to be at work by 7:30 am. Let me tell you, I was shaking my fist at Mother Nature!
This week has been so ridiculously insane. So much has happened, but right now I have a good book waiting for me (and it's not a textbook-woohoo!), a tea brewing and Jack is already curled up on a blanket on the couch, so I think I'll sit down this week-end and type more.
For now, though, I thought I would share two verses that have really stuck with me this week. I've tried to organize my daily devotions and readings in to a certain pattern, but sometimes the Lord has a funny way of slipping in a verse or two that I really needed to read or be reminded of!

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.
- Isaiah 40:31

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
- Matthew 22:37

I remember memorizing Matthew 22:37 in Sunday School!

I hope everyone who is stuck in this storm stays safe!

In His Love;

*L

Fully Rely On God

Remember the fad a few years ago when everyone wore WWJD bracelets? My sister used to wear one just like it, but it said FROG on it, which stood for "Fully Rely On God". I thought about this today as I was trying to get some work done.
Today I had to show my apartment to a girl who is interested in renting it next year. I was in the middle of taking her on the tour and talking on and on about all the great features of my apartment when it hit me: I won't be here next year. I've lived in this apartment for three years, and I absolutely love it. Growing up, I lived in a house with both my parents and my sister, and I lived in residence for a year, so this has been the first place that has been one hundred percent all mine. It's decorated just right, and it has a cozy and warm feel to it. It may be small, but it's home.
Panicking over my apartment was just the tip of the iceberg. It worries me that I still don't completely know what I'm doing come spring. I was talking to my best friend on the phone about this the other day, and she's going through the same thing. I quoted Jeremiah 29:11 yet again, and it's such a reassurance. I may be panicking, but God has a plan to prosper me and not harm me, to give me hope and a future. I need to keep reminding myself that God has a plan, and that's it's a perfect plan, and that I need to fully rely on Him. It sounds so easy, and yet sometimes it's so hard!

Yet another verse that I've been running through my head a lot today was a verse my best friend quoted on the phone:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

Fully Relying On Him-

*L